sexta-feira, 18 de abril de 2008

Coisas realmente importantes da América

Só há uns dias fiquei a conhecer pelo Paulo Cardoso a Encyclopedia Dramatica, um clone humorístico da Wikipedia. Vale bem a pena, e irei deixar aqui alguns textos que se me afigurem como engraçados.

Para já, atentem nesta definição que tem tudo para agradar a anti-americanistas, britânicos, canadianos e homossexuais:

The United States also known as the USA (Moar like U S Gay, amirite?) The Fatass Nation, Obesity Central, Redneckistan, The Ulcered Sphincter of Asserica, Dumbfuckistan, Canada's Ass and the dumbest country in North America, began as a colony originally created by the king of England to house the British Empire's most mentally disturbed and insane pedophiles. Obesity is, in fact, America's number-one killer, as people are too dumb to realize that binging on McDonalds 12 times a day isn't good for one's health.
New York City is there, on the Atlantic Ocean side, while Los Angeles (the place where Anti-Americanism was invented) is on the Pacific Ocean side. Chicago is stuck in the middle of East Coast stupidity and West Coast homosexuality, meaning all chicagoans are both equally gay and stupid.

Many people believe North Korea, Europe, Massachusetts and California are the US's next targets as they are all violating the US's strict "don't be a fucking homo" policy.

Ou ainda nesta maravilha dedicada aos esquerdistas que odeiam o "imperialismo" norte-americano:

The United States has a tendency to free other countries from entities that may or may not actually be a problem - most recently:

* Freeing Afghanistan from Terrorists (and Opium)
* Freeing Iraq from Terrorists (and Oil)
* Freeing The Whoal World!! from Miloševič
* Freeing the UK from British pop music

On tap:

* Freeing Syria from Terrorists (and Oil)
* Freeing Iran from Terrorists (and Oil)

In the works:

* Freeing Venezuela from duly elected President Hugo Chavez, or whomever the CIA decides to install after the coup. (also Oil)
* Freeing the world from North Korea - a crafty ploy, as it was the US that brokered that missile technology to them through 3rd parties. A simple plan and a great excuse to go barging in.

America is very good at bombing the shit out of poor Middle Eastern countries that have about three rusty missiles from 30 years ago and a crate of AK-47s with which to defend themselves. Fighting a country such as North Korea, which might well have weapons of mass destruction, is a little bit riskier. As a result, America probably won't invade unless they have the support of The Coalition of The Willing (Britain, Australia.. Turkey? Other suck-ups..) and are certain China won't nuke the shit out of them in retribution, even if they wanted to.

America single-handedly defeated Fascism, Communism and Socialism!!!1!11. They're currently engaged in the long hard battle against Democracy and freedom of thought which America is subsequently causing them to lose. We should all thank the American army. Thank you American army! Because we as foreigners are humouring American pussies that think they can do everything!!

You're welcome.

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